my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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