glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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