Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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