I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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