Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
