I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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