I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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