Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
