can we get nightvision for the apartment?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize