I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
