you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
