I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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