Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
