He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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