Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
