how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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