soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
