After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
