So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
