dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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