can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need a beard to bite.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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