im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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