He had one of those small greek statue penises
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
