Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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