i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
