Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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