If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
