I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
