It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
