But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
