I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
