Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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