How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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