Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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