How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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