No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Still dying that you shit outside
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
