oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize