I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
