Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
