Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
