you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
