You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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