I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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