I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
