I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
