first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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