I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
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I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
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i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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