I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
