Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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