well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
