her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
