I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
