whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
and you fell through a lawn chair
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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