Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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