All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
