Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
