like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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