Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
