i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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