What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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