you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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