If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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