I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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