I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
