he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
