I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
